Showing posts with label 20-something has-beens. Show all posts
Showing posts with label 20-something has-beens. Show all posts

Friday, January 19, 2007

American Schadenfreude



No, this isn't an O'Reillian post about the "far left loons who put their ideology above the welfare of the country," "who want us to lose in Iraq." Rather, this concerns the opinion of an equally unparalleled pundit, Rosie O'Donnell.

Like so many others in the past days, O'Donnell reacted uproariously to the "meanness" exuded by judges Randy Jackson, Paula Abdul, and particularly, Simon Cowell in this week's season premiere of the juggernaut that is American Idol.

After showing a clip of Cowell telling the ocularly-challenged Kenneth Briggs, “Your dancing is terrible, the singing was horrendous, and you look like one of those creatures that live in the jungle with those massive eyes. What are they called? Bush baby,” O'Donnell responded, "Isn't that what America thinks is entertainment?"

To answer her rhetorical and facetious question, yes.

It's become part of our nature to enjoy the miserable failures of others. It begins in grade school, and though we claim to outgrow our immature mockery, a part of it remains with us forever, rearing its head with such innocent transgressions as snickering at a stranger as he trips on an unseen gap in the sidewalk.

Certainly there are lines to be drawn, but that doesn't stop us from overstepping them. Cowell's analysis would largely be considered such an overstep–if not an egregious one–but I would imagine the sad truth to be that Mr. Briggs has constant encounters with various Little Red Riding Hoods observing, "Oh, what large eyes you have!" We all have faults, some more obvious than others, and we all have to deal with them, some with more difficulty than others. To think that the outside world will soften the blow is to live in a world where husband and wife sleep side by side in separate beds, where good always conquers evil and everything happens for a reason. It's not that world anymore, and I don't know that it ever was.

Those who fight to keep our world "the way it was" often blame the violence found on television and in video games, but is the bigger worry that we're becoming increasingly immune to mayhem and bloodshed, or rather that we're devolving to a more apathetic state, numb to the misfortune and even misery of others be they real or imagined.

COPS has been on the air for nearly eighteen years and has been widely syndicated for much of that time. Do viewers keep tuning in to understand the inner workings of the police force and to monitor the efficiency of the justice system, or do they watch for the consistent entertainment of stereotypical antics followed by a suspect lying face down in the dirt? Are high-speed chases televised with the hope of a peaceful resolution? How many auto-racing fans wouldn't admit to hoping to witness a devastating crash? The popularity of Girls Gone Wild is obviously due to the girls' stripping of their clothing and the ensuing uninhibited "wildness," but I would also suggest that the stripping of their dignity and the loss of the respect of their friends and family is of additional appeal to some viewers, if only subconsciously.

Just like those who represent it, society doesn't need to be coddled, however it does need to be accepted for what it is, as well as what it isn't. A part of all of us wishes that we were the next American Idol, whether as a singer, dancer, athlete, artist, actor, or writer, or even as a doctor, lawyer, policeman, fireman, or soldier, and that part of us would bury its heels in the faces of those below us if it meant a step up.

I'm not saying it's right, but it's completely American.

(Television isn't all bad though, as evidenced just last night by NBC's The Office, 30 Rock, My Name Is Earl, and on this night, particularly Scrubs:)

Wednesday, January 17, 2007

When Athletes Attack


Every so very often, the wide, wide world of sports collides with the much more narrow and boring world that we actually live in. The nature of these intersections are as remarkable and astonishing as they are contrived, coincidental, or completely fabricated. Reader discretion is pretentious.


The Texas Rangers have offered 38-year-old future Hall-of-Famer Sammy Sosa a non-guaranteed contract, giving him the chance to make the team in spring training. Sosa made his Major League debut with the Rangers in 1989, but was traded away a month later, only a few short months after Dubya had become managing general partner of the ballclub. Sosa hit the first home run of his career while wearing a Rangers uniform and then went on to hit the 587 others for teams not run by future Presidents. Fifth all-time in career home runs, Sosa hit 64 homers as recently as 2001, but has been away from the game for the past two years after earning receiving $17 million in 2005 while hitting only 14 home runs with a .221 batting average. If the pattern follows Dubya to the capital, his successors in the White House will withdraw troops from Iraq once it's far too late and the situation is a total embarrassment.

Despite just forming an exploratory committee on Tuesday, Sen. Barack Obama was ready to announce that his home state's Chicago Bears would defeat the American sweetheart New Orleans Saints in Sunday's NFC Championship, saying, "I am happy for New Orleans. I think it's a wonderful story for their city, but this fairy tale ends when they come to Chicago." Meanwhile, the cohesive entity known to all simply as "Brangelina" can be assumed to support their New Orleans Saints counterparts in the matchup, having recently bought a fixer-upper in the Lower Ninth Ward $3.5 million, six-bed mansion in the French Quarter, and of course, being saints themselves. Regardless of who wins the NFC Championship on Sunday, ask John Kerry and he'll tell you that they're only going to lose to Manny Ortiz and the New England Patriots two weeks later in the Super Bowl anyway.

The NFL has rejected Britney Spears' offer to appear in a Super Bowl commercial for its NFL Network, citing through a source that, "She's too much of a train wreck. Besides, we already have Paris Hilton." The spot involves "an eclectic group of celebrity friends" attending Cincinnati Bengal receiver Chad Johnson's Super Bowl party, including Hilton, LL Cool J, and Martha Stewart, as well as hopeful participants Alien Janet Reno and Predator. Aside from Spears, it seems as though whether you're a multi-billion dollar corporation, a millionaire playboy, or a hundredaire undergrad, you may need to reevaluate your standards when Paris Hilton is deemed acceptable. However in the end, the entire discussion may be moot because if the advertisement accurately represents the NFL Network, no one will see it anyway.